I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
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we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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