I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
