i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
