There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
