i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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