Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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