Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
