I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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