Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
