can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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