His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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