Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
porn star boner night. come get it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
