Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
