Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
