well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
