can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
