Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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