I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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