Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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