Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
