and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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