Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
