Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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