she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize