I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
