She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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