ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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