the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
