she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
