There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
