Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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