That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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