Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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