come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
