he thought i was a dude.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
