Where did you get a picture of my penis
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
