Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
