before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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