Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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