I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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