the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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