here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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