DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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