There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I enjoy the company of your penis
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize