I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
