apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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