she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
