yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
