the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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