Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
