i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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