david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
