Screwed.edu
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
