Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
