she smelled like a LAN party
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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