They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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