I showed him my bush... on skype.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.