I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Houston, we have a squirter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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