Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.