fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.