I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
