Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
