Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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